The Chat Device
by XBlue-PhoenixX
Summary: The first Nanoha television talk show, with your hosts Fate, Nanoha, and Hayate along with the whole cast! WARNING: All content in in this talk show is replying to viewer letters. Khrack, Chaos, Mayhem, and Insaity will ensue. Viewer disgression is advise


The Chat Device

Authors Note: The Chate Device is an interactive fanfiction, the readers, YOU, will send me reviews or PM's with questions, woes, comments, issues, and more and the cast of Nanoha will do their very best to answer them! Here is the first chapter, so get a gauge off of this, then go participate. Also see Azumanga Daioh Help Desk, that is the main cataylist for this fic idea.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Inanimate objects and ambiguously gendered! It has come to our attention, here at Blue Fire Studios, that the Nanoha community is being under appreciated!

Tiana: _A single spot light comes on_ So all of the amazing people that came together to give you Nanoha, Nanoha A's, and Nanoha StrikerS have come together once again, starring, for the first time ever, in their own television talk show!

Announcer: Starring you hosts, Nanoha Takamichi! Fate Testarrosa! And Hayate Yamagi!

The stage lights burst on, blinding the audience and the three hosts.

Nanoha: _Falls off of her seat_ Whoa!

Hayate: _Covering her eyes _It burns, oh god it burns!

Fate: O.O_ Stares blindly into the lights_

Stage Hand 1: Holy crap! Sorry!

_The lights dim to normal levels_

Nanoha:_ Pulling herself up back into her chair _H-hello to everyone and welcome to first episode of The Chat Device.

Hayate: _Rubbing her eyes_ The show where it is up to the viewer on what we discuss on each episode.

Fate: _Staring in the wrong direction_ So to start off today's show-

Hayate: Psst, Fate! The camera is to your left!

Fate: _Turning slightly to her left, blindly_ –we open up tonight with some questions asked by Vivio Testarossa.

Nanoha: Hmm, now isn't that odd.

Hayate: What?

Nanoha: The viewers name is Vivio Testarossa... _Turning and glaring into the camera_ Vivio if I catch you watching television without supervision again...!

Fate: _Giggling softly_ Now now Nanoha-mama, I think this is just a fan of Vivio's.

Nanoha: _Staring blankly into the camera _Identity theft?

Fate: Ah, no I don't think that is what they meant...

Hayate: Sweat-dropping Anyways here is the letter.

**The Chat Device: From Vivio Testarossa**

**Hey Nanoha and Fate, what are your feelings towards each other? (Timeline/MGLN season 1)  
Hey Nanoha and Fate, what are your feelings towards each other? (Timeline/A's)  
Hey Nanoha and Fate, what are your feelings towards each other? (Timeline/StrikerS)  
Fate, which of your "children" is your favorite: Erio, Caro, or Vivio? (Timeline/StrikerS)**

_Three pairs of Nanoha's/Fate's appear_

Hayate: I guess the creator of the show didn't really think through the fact that there are several seasons of MGLN...

FateS: Oh Nanoha! Look at how cute we were!

NanohaS: _Blushing_ Yeah.

Fate: I guess we will start then.

Nanoha: Nya-haha okay Fate-chan!

Fate: _Blushing_ I guess Nanoha is really...one of my first real friends.

Nanoha: _Hugging Fate _Of course I am silly! I will always stick by you!

FateS:_ Hugs a blushing NanohaS _Look at us, weren't we just so dear.

NanohaS: _Leaning back into FateS_ Hmm, yes.

NanohaA: Wow, is that we end up like Fate-chan?

FateA: W-w-wha _Stammering_

NanohaA: I want to be like that with Fate-chan! _Snuggles up against FateA_

Fate: Wait a second, I have kids?

FateS: Yes you do. I adopted two children, Erio and Caro, and am also the god-mother of Nanoha's little girl Vivio.

Fate: _Faints_

Nanoha: Fate-chan! Breath Fate-chan, breath!

FateS: But I love all of my children with my whole heart. I love each one of them equally.

_The younger pairs disappear in a poof of pink smoke, leaving behind the original three hosts._

Hayate: I am seeing triple. _Spirally eyes._

Nanoha: Nya-hahaha, well then. I think that should somewhat answer your question fake Vivio.

Fate: _Elbows Nanoha _You said you would be nice.

Nanoha: Mou, fine.

Hayate: _Skimming through the next letter_ Um, producer. Is it a really that great an idea to use this one?

A side door opens and a teenage girl, with shocking blue hair, walks out

Blue:_ Takes the letter _Let me read that... Pales I should never said I would take ALL questions...never...

Hayate: So what do we do producer?

Blue: We have no choice, we have to go with it. I had better call in reinforcements though. Pulls out a small hand held device and taps it once. A hole opens in the ceiling and Vita, Shamal, and Sigmun fall out

Vita: What the hell was that about!

Blue: _Raises an eyebrow and hovers a finger over her small palm-pilot_

Vita: _Pales_ I wasn't talking to you producer, I-I was talking to...ah...Signum! Yeah, she landed on top of me.

Blue: Anyways, I need you three to make sure that a certain viewer, who seems to have a death wish, stays safe.

Sigmun: Yes, producer.

Blue: Very good! Okay, let the show go on!

Hayate: So our next letter is from a well-known reporter on Mid-Childa...

**The Chat Device: From Satashi**

**To: Vivio**

Question: What do Nanoha-mama and Fate-mama say when they think you're asleep in bed? :3

_In walks Zafira, with Vivio ridding on his back_

Vivio: What do Nanoha-mama and Fate-mama say when they think I am asleep?

Fate: Oh god...

Nanoha: Nya-hahaha. _Chuckling nervously_

Vivio: They go to bed as well! So they don't talk that much...

Nanoha: Thank goodness-

Vivio: They don't talk a lot, but they make funny noises! Like Oooooooooh and Ngggghhh and gaaaaa-

Vita: _Leaps up and covers Vivio's mouth with her hand _Oh crap.

Nanoha: Sa-ta-shi _Raging Heart set-up's_

Hayate: Oh bother, this isn't going to end well.

Three separate sets of magical binds appear and hold Nanoha in place

Nanoha: Let me go! Let me go now!

Fate: Calm down Nanoha! Is it really Satashi's fault.

Nanoha: I...That doesn't matter...Satashi asked, I was ignorant before!

Fate: It is okay Nanoha.

Nanoha: I- Fine. You get off this time Satashi, but I am watching you!

Hayate: Now that Nanoha has been restrained, we can move on to the next one.

Fate: _Sitting with Vivio in her lap_ Here is the next letter…

**The Chat Device: From Evangelion Xgouki**

**To Vivio,  
Have you ever wanted a younger brother or sister?**

**Shamal: And look, they even sent us a package. **_**She holds up a box with the words FOR YOUR EYES ONLY written in big red letters on it.**_

Vivio: Hmm, well I guess that Erio and Caro are kind of like my brother and sister! But, I would still like a little sister!

Nanoha: _Frozen_

Fate: Maybe someday Vivio, but for now Nanoha-mama and I are too busy.

Vita: Hey Shamal, what is in the package?

Shamal: _Digs through the packing peanuts and pulls out two boxes of pills_

Vita: What the hell are 'futa-pills'?

Shamal: _Quickly stuffing the pills back into the package_ N-n-nothing!

Nanoha: I have never heard of those either, Shamal what do they do?

Shamal: _Coughing and putting on her best doctors voice _They are a growth steroid, a 'enchantment' for women so to say.

_Everyone but Vita and Vivio blush at this comment._

Nanoha: They sent us THOSE?!

Vita: A growth steroid, eh? _Reaches in and pockets several bright yellow pills._

Nanoha: I don't think that Fate-chan and I will be using those…

Fate: _Slightly disappointed_ Right, of course.

Signum: Who in the world would send the studio futa-pills.

_Vita pops a pill and grabs a cup of water_

Signum: _Being overly blunt at usual_ What women would want a man's sexual organ anyways.

Vita: _Finished swallowing the yellow pill _W-w-w-what?

Hayate: Of course Vita-chan, it is a new magical pill that allows women to have children together.

Vita: _Bright red, scuffled up to Hayate and whispered into her ear_

Hayate: Okay, come on!

_Hayate stood up and dragged Vita off of the stage_

Vita: Where are we going?

Hayate: You will see _Evil grin._

Nanoha: Now what was that about?

Fate: I don't know, but I trust Hayate to handle it.

Shamal: Of course! So then I guess we have to start without them. This next letter is a long one!

**The Chat Device: From BlackWolf**

**To Shamal:**

How did you ever manage to get Signum round your little finger? did you ever perform an unnecessary physical medical check up on her?

**To Vita:**

What's your most embarrassing moment?

**To Vivio:**

**  
Whats the weirdest thing you've discovered while exploring your home that you share with Fate-mama and Nanoha-mama No death wish please XD**

Signum: _Staring pointedly at Shamal_

Shamal: Of course I never...

_Zaffy fixes Shamal a look _

Shamal: I never gave her a random physical!

_Fate raises an eyebrow._

Shamal: I mean, sure I didn't have to go as far as I had...

Signum: Shaking and blushing beet red Shamal!

Nanoha: Oh ho ho, Shamal has a bad side to her!

Shamal: If I were you Nanoha, I wouldn't investigate that further... Same for you Mister BlackWolf.

Signum: _Making silencing gestures behind Shamal's back_

_Muffled sounds of Vita's screaming fill the room_

Fate: Oh dear, quick cut to commercial!

_Buzzing noise_

Announcer: Do you have problems getting our significant other to behave in public? Tired of being felt up during an important business meeting?

Tiana: I sure am!

Announcer: Then try this! The patented Obedience Collar! With one little push of a button, the collar sends a large electric shock through the wearer. Watch, as these real life people try out the collar!

Tiana: Suabru watch the hands!

Subaru: But Tia, no is looking!

Tiana: Su-ba-ru! Presses button on her watch.

Subaru: Starts to jerk violently, before falling to the ground in a heap.

Tiana: Thank you Obedience Collar! Cheesy wink.

Announcer: Now comes in blue, black, red, and leather with spikes! Yours for only five easy payments of 3.14159...

_Static Crackles_


End file.
